It’s been a whirlwind of catching up since I returned from Egypt, along with a good dose of slowing down and – unfortunately – getting sick. Ugh. This morning I am sitting at my desk, looking out my window at the 15+ inches of snowfall we got last weekend and feeling grateful for the sunshine.
During my monthly zoom call last Friday, we talked about how to apply nonviolent principles when we are working with anger.
As we explored the varying roles of relational context, self-resourcing, intentionality and self-awareness in deciding how to proceed in charged conversations, a caller expressed feeling disheartened about how hard it is for her to switch into nonviolent consciousness once she is triggered.
I can relate.
In moments like these, I’ve learned to disengage temporarily, and then practice empowered self-care.
This means that I stop myself from analyzing and blaming the other person, and instead I ask myself questions like these:
How much of my intensity is about what is actually happening in this present moment? How much of my intensity is about my own chronically unmet needs? How much of my intensity is about patterns from my own life? What is deeply important to me here – what am I going to bat for exactly? Is this other person able to give me the empathy I need or do I need to get it elsewhere?
I also revisited the three powerful kinds of sight we develop to support us as we learn and grow:
Hindsight. Foresight. Insight.